The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (1979)

Directed by Bill Melendez

Voices: Sheila Hancock, Simon Adams, Stephen Thorne, Nicholas Barnes, Rachel Warren

"Speak vermin, or do you want my dwarf to find your tongues...with his whip?!!"

This story is one you should know by now, since the book has been appearing on educational curriculum for many years, so I won't go into it here. If you don't know the story, get your illiterate ass off the computer and go crack open a copy of the novel, it's fucking brilliant. 

A production of the well-known Children's Television Workshop, this animated film has been emotionally devastating children for decades. Based on the classic C.S. Lewis novel of the same title, this is a captivating tale of good triumphing over evil, with strong religious overtones that will satisfy Jesus freaks who'd otherwise condemn this as trash for all the magic and mythical creatures within the story.

Let's talk about my favorite character, the White Witch. Jadis is a bitch and completely fascinating. Definitely one of the scariest animated characters from a children's movie, she is a schizoid homicidal maniac without restraint. Her chilly manipulation of the brat Edmund, and what she does when she finally has the noble (but boring) Aslan in her clutches will make you shudder. She is NOT one to be fucked with, unless you have an army to back you up.

I like this movie well enough, but my sense of justice was outraged. Lucy, Peter, and Susan should have put a good old ghetto ass-whuppin' on Edmund for his collusion with the queen, and for acting like a prick in general.